Oh God! Where are you?

From my childhood days, I was taught by my parents that God is someone who protects our family, God is the one who supports us in times of need and shows us the right path. I was bound to become a theist. I also learnt some sanskrit stotras and used to chant them daily in the morning in our prayer room. This was one of those innocent stunts of a young lad trying to impress God and make some wishes. Being a theist, had its own advantages. You can offer your prayers to God and get whatever you want in return. Atleast thats what I thought at that time.

I think I was around 12 years old then.I asked God to make my father buy me a video game. It didnt happen. I was kind of upset with Him and stopped my daily rituals. I started offering my prayers again only after 1 year, when my father bought me a video game. My juvenile thinking made me feel that my relationship with God was then just an agreement of 'give and take'.

When I grew up, I started questioning myself as to why should I ever believe in someone called God. Why do I need to depend on someone else, when I am solely responsible for my actions. Is there a need for me to bend down before someone I dont know actually exists. I had no answers to all these questions but I didnt want to take the risk of calling myself an atheist because I was pretty much satisfied with my life at that time. May be I knew that there were some things in life which no one has control over. I wanted some external power to be on my side to deal with such situations.

My perception of God changed when I was studying at IIIT. I was depressed in life because of a broken relationship. After that nothing made sense in life, neither my career nor my friends. Nothing at all made sense in life. I was in a state of extreme depression. I hated God for what He had done to me. He didnt help me when I was in crisis. Then whats the use of such an entity called God. Why should I believe Him? These questions nagged me endlessly. Then out of no where, a person came and helped me recover from this situation. Sometimes the circumstances under which we became friends amaze me. Today he is my best friend and I owe a lot to him.

Since then I have noticed that whenever I was in need, someone sprang up from nowhere to help me. A colleague at office really helped me build my selfconfidence indirectly by encouraging whatever I did. I can tell you about 'n' number of people who helped me or supported me at various occasions. My perception of God began to change. God was in these people who helped me.

Today, I realize God means much more to me than just a supreme entity. All the people who have helped me at various crossroads of life were either the messengers of God or the God Himself. Today when I pray God, I only ask for one thing : "God please help me do whatever is right". Thats it. I somehow sense His presence in every decision I make in life. This is my perception of God.